


Fixing the Cracks

by BrusselsSprout



Series: Variations (S6 speculation stories) [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 5x22, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Missing Scene, S6 speculation, Team Bonding, Team Feels, Team as Family, both a physical and an emotional journey, cryofitz's journey back home, second proposal but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-05-10 12:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14737137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrusselsSprout/pseuds/BrusselsSprout
Summary: The Team is slowly coming together in their grief as the decide to set out to find Fitz. But what happens after they find him? It's the physical and emotional journey from space to back home, as Fitz contemplates his relationship with Jemma, finding an unlikely ally who can help him providing perspective in Daisy, slowly starting to mend their friendship.Trigger warnings in notes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I needed some grieving to have Fitz's death sink in - and since the show skipped it, I had to write it myself. It's sad, but also hopeful - and it helped me a lot to process, so I'm hoping it may help others too. Love to hear your thoughts. I'm @weareagentsofnothing on Tumblr - happy to chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:
> 
> -This fic is dealing with the grieving process, which they skipped on the show. Fitz's death is mentioned obviously.  
> \- There is some description of the dead body (not too detailed).

“This is for you.” Robin said on the flat voice of an ancient child who has seen too much pain and death and gave her a postcard of the Lighthouse, folded in half. Jemma looked at it for a moment confused, then her heart almost stopped as she turned it around.

_Working on it – Fitz_

She would recognize his writing anywhere. She had seen it countless times as he filled notebooks with his brilliant ideas, post-it notes with words he tried to re-learn, sticking them all over the lab and his room, grumbling over administrative forms as he tried to stay on top of lab supplies.

“Thank you.” she whispered to the little girl and she clutched it to her heart. It was ironic how little she possessed of him after a decade and a half spent together – everything they had burnt in the old base. The couple of things they found on the Zephyr was all they had.

“When I first met him, he was so determined to find you. I could tell he missed you so much.” Polly said with a sad smile. One widow to another. “He was a good man. I’m so sorry.”

“He would be so relieved to know you are ok.” Jemma smiled tightly. It was true – Fitz worried about everyone.

“Robin drew this - I think of him, if you’d like it.” Polly said giving her a sheet of paper.

“Thank you.” Jemma replied, taking the picture.  After Polly and Robin left, she took a look: it was Fitz, with curly hair and blue eyes in the stars. She started sobbing. Fitz was right; the universe did not want them together. They were cursed, yet for those few days also so blessed. When she was a slave in Kasius’ bunker, thinking she lost him forever, she would have given up anything for one more day, one more hour with him. They got two weeks and a lifetime. They got to marry and be grandparents together. Now she had to bury him. A lifetime compressed, like gravitonium.

+++

Mack knocked on the lab door quietly. He found Jemma leaning over his body, gently wiping away the dust, blood and dirt with a washcloth.

“You don’t have to do that…” his words came out almost like a sob.

“I want to do it.” Jemma replied calmly. It was not a peaceful calm; it was the type of calm when all nature goes quiet before a violent storm. “He wouldn’t want anyone else…”

She cut the front of his shirt soaked with blood and washed the gaping wound on his abdomen without flinching. She was used to death, she worked with a clinical detachment. Mack watched as she put a thread in the needle and sewn it together with small, precise stitches, the same ones she saved Elena’s life with.

“I’m glad you were there with him.” she said quietly. 

“It was fast. I don’t think he realized much of what was happening.” Mack said and it felt like platitudes. “He did good.”

Jemma nodded like it was evident. And it was. Mack thought about their arguments – Fitz always had his theories, but at the end of the day he never hesitated, never calculated when it came to the team, to his friends. He always did what he thought was the right thing to do. A lump grew in his throat as she watched her finish.

“Thank you for bringing him back to me.” Jemma turned to him wiping the blood off her hand.

“He asked me to carry him.” Mack said heavily. “I wish there was… something else.. I wish I would have been a better friend. But you carried him through everything.”

“We have always carried each other.” whispered Jemma absent-mindedly fidgeting with her ring, like Mack saw Fitz do so many times. Like they needed to feel those rings to know that it was not a dream, that it was real.  Jemma continued, “Fitz had no doubt in his heart you would work it out eventually. All he wanted was to fix things – to make things right.” she put her hand on his. Mack looked in her eyes free of anger, judgement or resentment and could not hold in the tears anymore. _Everyone dies_ , he thought bitterly. _How different is the theory and the reality of carrying a dear friend’s body who died saving you from a collapsing building_. They both slid on the floor crying, holding each other for a long time.

Mack raised his head when Elena came into the lab. “Jemma, you should go rest.” she said – her voice soft and gentle.

Jemma shook her head “No, I’d rather stay with him tonight.”

Mack looked at Elena. “Then we’ll stay with you.” she said. Mack nodded – and reached out to hold her hand. For the first time, he did not flinch as he touched the cold metal, it was the last thing he and Fitz fixed together. Fitz was right; the potential was in everything – even in robot arms – to destroy or to save lives.

+++

The day after the funeral – a simple, quiet affair - Jemma was there checking on Coulson, when May entered the lab. For a moment, May did not know what to say. Fitz’s face haunted her, begging for comfort and reassurance like a confused child’s. Perhaps, she did not know what it was like to be a mother, but she knew what it was like to lose a child. The sharp pain that takes your breath away, the cold blade that just keeps twisting in your heart long after, the anger that the laws of nature had been broken.

In the past weeks, she had avoided Fitz, not on purpose, but the memories from the Framework, their shared sins and regrets were too painful. Now she wished, she would have said something. She could not remember the Doctor anymore, she just remembered the young, skittish kid who walked onto Coulson’s plane, determined not to ever get his hands dirty. She remembered telling Coulson he would not last a week, that neither of them would.

“Jemma, why don’t you go rest…” May asked concerned.

Jemma shrugged. “I need to work, honestly. Anyways, there is no one else.“  A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips, but her eyes remained sad. “He’s doing better.”

May sighed a sigh of relief. “How long does he have?”

“It’s hard to tell. Could be days, could be a couple weeks.” Jemma replied. “I’m sorry that there isn’t anything else…”

“He made his choice.” May said not without bitterness. “And there is nothing I can do about it.”

“Time is strange – it sometimes slows down and sometimes speeds up. These past two weeks- it felt like a dream, like a gift.” Jemma said wistfully. May looked at her – the girl who had so much steel under her soft, sweet exterior. It sounded so strange to call the frantic, dark days behind them as a gift, yet it made perfect sense. She held Fitz’s hand, loving him no matter what, squeezing out every last drop of joy. She had no regrets. May held Coulson’s hand in hers. Maybe they still had something to enjoy.

“Would you do it over again?” May asked. Jemma’s eyes welled up again – the pain, the sacrifice, all that was taken from her written all over it.

Still, Jemma replied without any hesitation. “Absolutely.”

+++

Daisy bumped into Mack as she made her way towards Jemma’s bunk.

“How is she holding it together?” she asked.

“A little too well, even.” Mack replied eyes downcast. “How are you?”

“I don’t know – I don’t know what to do, how to…” Daisy started. It used to be so simple – Jemma, Fitz and her – teasing each other, growing up together. Now it was so complicated – layers of hurt, pain, betrayal, resentment twisted that simple love into something much more painful.

“Just say how you feel.” Mack said gently.

Daisy scoffed. “I don’t know how I feel. After he cut into me, I was so angry and hurt. I tried to remember my friend, but all I saw was this monster… but now when I try to remember my anger, all I see is my friend. And the anger, it’s still there, but it just doesn’t seem to matter as much anymore.”

Mack nodded gravely. “He apologized to me – but I was so angry about YoYo, that I told him instead that he needed fixing…Some friend I am…” he added bitterly.

Daisy gave him a quick hug. She couldn’t think of anything to say. “I’ll go see her.” She knocked hesitantly on the door, then entered. Jemma looked up, she was organizing a pile of papers – filled with Fitz’s frantic equations that were like Egyptian hieroglyphs to Daisy. Magical solutions to problems that she always took for granted. Daisy looked around in the spotlessly tidy room, with his clothes lovingly folded up on the bed, next to a suitcase.

“Jemma… Are you going somewhere…?” It was inconceivable that she would leave one day.

Jemma sighed. “I have to tell Fitz’s mum. He hasn’t seen her… He couldn’t even speak to her in almost a year.” Jemma looked up, her face full of pain and devastation.  “We were going to leave, you know. Once the Loop was broken. We talked about it that maybe it was time…”

She rummaged around in a box and turned to Daisy with something in her hand. It was her Hula girl. Daisy had no idea how she got it. Jemma kept talking, softly, almost as if she was talking to herself.

“Deke found the box on the Zephyr. Fitz… he wanted to give it to you when things calmed down a little… He hoped that…” Jemma did not finish the sentence, she did not need to. He hoped that there was a way back, that they could patch things up eventually.

Daisy watched the Hula girl dancing in her open palm. _It shakes but you’re not doing it. That’s why it’s funny_. She felt a sad smile form on her face – what a lame joke, Fitz was the absolute worst when it came to telling jokes – still it reminded her that even back then, they eventually managed to work it out. She looked at Jemma and could tell that she was thinking of the same thing. That they were family and they always found a way – but this time they ran out of time.

“Deke told me about… It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.” Daisy said. “Yet it makes so much sense.” Jemma nodded with a little chuckle.

“You know, Fitz and Deke were driving each other crazy, arguing about time loop and multiverse theory. Fitz thought Deke could blink out of existence if we ever broke the time loop. But then again, he also thought it was impossible to change time.”

“Do you think that’s what happened to Deke?” Daisy asked, surprising herself with the worry she felt. “I thought he just went to see the world.”

“That’s what he told me too. He wanted to see the ocean.” Jemma nodded. “I don’t know – nobody knows how this works. There are the numbers on the paper trying to make sense out of this chaos, but life is different – it’s messy and complex…” then her voice raised anger “and sometimes you do the impossible, showing up on a spaceship out of nowhere, beating all the odds, and sometimes you are the 1 in a million, being at the wrong time in a wrong place and get crushed by the falling debris.” She broke down crying.

Daisy could feel the tears flooding down her own face – and for that moment, all anger, resentment, hurt was gone and all she could feel was grief. Grief for the life they would never have, this was not supposed to be the end of their story. And grief for the friendship that ended this way – in hurt and betrayal, never forgiven. Then she looked at the Hula girl again – just dancing to the rhythm of life as Daisy’s search for her family led to finding a different one – only to let it fall apart again. She had to work things out with them.

 

+++++

 

Coulson looked at his prosthetic arm – it was his favourite. The eighth one Fitz made for him – the one with the laser shield ( _the one that will be forever tied to the memory of kissing Melinda May, he smiled_ ) and remote link to the Zephyr and all kinds of cool gadgets. Fitz used to come to his office talking about new upgrades he thought up to integrate into what they jokingly called the Howling Commando kit up his sleeves. His absence felt like a void. He thought of Fitz’s teary, heart-felt thank you after their wedding and was glad he could become the father Fitz needed on that day.

After Coulson learnt what Fitz did with Daisy though – his anger stopped him to try and see him or talk to him other than what was strictly necessary. Truth was, he had no idea what to say. He taught Fitz to make hard choices, he taught him that was the job some days. Still not even in his worst nightmares he thought Fitz would do that to Daisy. Then again, never in his worst nightmares did he think that he would end up pushing the young woman who meant to him the whole world to face an almost invincible enemy alone so that she could save the world.

Then he thought of the other young woman; the one always doing her duty quietly, nursing them back to health, solving riddles their minds could not even comprehend. The truth was they all left Jemma down – she was alone trying to balance loyalty to the team with the loyalty to her husband and nobody ever stopped to consider the horrors she had been through. It was time to see her. He got up and slowly walked through the corridors to her room.

When he entered she was sitting still as a statue at the desk looking at a drawing. Her face became alive with worry when she saw him. “Sir, you’re not supposed to be up.”

“I’m fine, Jemma. Let me ask the question this time. How are _you_?” he asked searching her face, which was paler than usual.

“Truth is, I don’t know. I want to scream at something or someone – but what’s the point of screaming at the universe? Fitz was right – we are cursed.” she said looking at the drawing.

“Robin gave that to you? Can I see?” Coulson asked. He looked at the stick figure surrounded by stars.

“The first law of thermodynamics – balance in the universe – that every particle inside us will go on and become something else. I’m sorry  -I shouldn't talk about this.. I don’t want to be …insensitive, sir… “ she shook her head.

Coulson smiled gently. “It’s an oddly comforting thought, really. So many possibilities…We can live on as something else… like a flower or a tree…”

“Fitz was partial to monkeys.” Jemma mused, her eyes lost in a memory Coulson wasn’t privy to.

“He was always something else...” Coulson chuckled looking at the photo on the desk from years ago.  “When I first met you two, you were both so bright-eyed – and you, you were so eager and he was really surly about something… But I just felt that you would be perfect for this job.  But I never stopped to consider if the job was perfect for you…”

Jemma’s voice was more resolute. “We both chose this, sir. And I wouldn’t change it. And I know Fitz wouldn’t either.”

Coulson knew this to be true. “You two always did what we asked, and things we haven’t even figured out how to ask, and you have already solved it. We just knew that you two would find a way. But I should never have taken it for granted – the burden it put on you…” His eyes settled on the familiar postcard on the desk. He picked it up. “You know, when we found this in Virgil’s pocket in the future – it was the first time I felt things may be ok. That this team will solve whatever impossible problem.”

“You found this in the future?” Jemma asked wide eyed. “I wish I knew…”

“Nobody ever told you?” Coulson raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I guess, it all happened so fast.”

“Yeah, it’s unbelievable. For us it was days – while Fitz travelled for a lifetime…” her voice trailed off. Her eyes darted between the postcard, the drawing and Coulson. Coulson had watched her enough times to know that she just had an _eureka_ moment.

“What is it Jemma?” he asked.

“Of course, Fitz… that’s the solution.” she looked at him and her eyes sparkled with excitement and hope. She looked just like the young agent she was when they first met; the same indestructible spirit that impressed so much Coulson all those years ago. “He’s still out there – travelling to us frozen in space.”

“But… “ Coulson looked at her confused. “…is that even possible? How would that work?”

Jemma continued talking, ignoring his question as if she was having a conversation with someone else. “Every time we repeated the Loop he came back with us… but now, he is still out there travelling towards a future we changed with no way back. Imagine, how confused the poor thing would be arriving there, after we are long dead…”

“But even if this is true, Jemma, how could you hope to find him in the vastness of space…”

“Well, he told me it took them three days to get to the Lighthouse – it should be easy to calculate the perimeter of the search, no?” she looked at the drawing again. She picked up a pen and connected some of the stars. “That’s it, Cassopeia, I think I can pinpoint the general area…”

Coulson watched her – she reminded her of Fitz coming up with all kinds of crazy theories when the monolith took her. He was so sure every time that he hit on the right one. Coulson was tempted to tell her not get lost in crazy theories, but then he also remembered that Fitz performed the miracle of bringing her back, when nobody believed he would. Coulson had learnt never to dismiss their ideas.

“All right, Jemma – what do you need?” he asked.

“A spaceship” she replied.

“Then it is lucky Fitz built you one.” Coulson smiled. Then he remembered that he was not supposed to call the shots anymore. “Let’s ask the Director, of course, but I think we may be in business…”

 

+++++

“You are hurting my head.” May frowned when Jemma finished her explanation with charts and complicated lines that nobody understood.

“You really think he’s out there?” Daisy asked.

“I think there is a very good chance, yes.” Jemma said slightly defensively and looked around the room.

“Then we’ll help you find him.” Elena nodded with conviction.

“Damn straight.” Mack grinned and looked at Jemma. “It figures. Space – we haven’t done space… “ Jemma grimaced, so Mack quickly corrected himself. “I mean obviously you have done more space than you ever wanted…” he trailed off. “And since we happen to have a spaceship…Operation “Finding Turbo” is a go. We’re in.”

“Same.” added Daisy, locking eyes with Jemma as they smiled at each other.

"As much as I'd love to go with you, I guess I'll have to bow out of this one. And any case, been there, done that." said Coulson and looked towards May with a coy smile. "If you don't mind a bit of a detour first, we have somewhere you could drop us off at. I heard it's magical."

Jemma raised an eyebrow in question and Daisy nodded ever so slightly with a knowing half-smile.

"So I guess we just need a pilot." Mack said. All eyes turned to Davis.

"Figures." he said in a sarcastic tone, but couldn't quite hide his smile.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma finds Fitz and he's disoriented as expected. But Jemma is also more than a bit rattled. It will take a while to process everything. Fitz and Daisy take an important first step.
> 
> Trigger warnings: Brief mention of the inhuman experiments in the Framework and the events of 5x14

 

 _It’s strange how time stretches in his absence and contracts in his presence_ , Jemma thought as she stared at his face, frozen in time, pale as death, just like the day Mack carried his body back to her.

She was alone, waiting for him to wake up – Mack had offered to wait with her, but she declined with a thin smile. It was best not to overwhelm him; this was something for her to do. In the past months, as she wrapped herself at night into one of his shirts or soft pullovers, she had played thousands of versions of this conversation. Still, nothing felt right.

She nervously fidgeted with her ring wondering what state he would be when he woke up _. Her husband. But was he really? Was it right to bind him by a vow he never made?_ With a sudden decision, Jemma took off her ring and hid it in her pocket. One step at a time, she said to herself. Fitz would surely need time to process it all – it would be a mistake to overwhelm him.

She let out a long deep breath trying to calm the storm inside her as the door of the pod opened with a loud whir. Jemma stepped next to him and put her hand on his face, still cold as ice. She felt under her palm the life coming back into him and he gasped. His irises darted around in confusion for a moment, then they settled on her face. She could see his eyes soften, his expression of panic replaced by love, longing, surprise. She always loved looking into Fitz’s eyes – they were the mirror that reflected back so perfectly what she was feeling. It felt like sinking into his soul.

His mouth opened as he tried to say something, but his throat did not make any sound. She helped him sit up and wrapped him in the thick blanket Enoch gave them. She held him tightly and breathed in his familiar scent, irrefutable proof that it was Fitz, her Fitz. The same man she buried all those months ago. It was biology after all – identical cells and molecules. She felt him shivering almost uncontrollably in her embrace, but slowly he raised his arms and they melted into a hug. His lips searched hers, softly, tentatively, nothing like the passionate kisses they shared back in the future.

“So I guess, you figured it all out without me.” Fitz muttered against her neck.

“Not at all. In fact, you saved us all – you know as usual, solved it in your sleep.” she tried to sound light, but there was a knot in her throat and tears welling up in her eyes. “Let’s get you into the shower to warm you up, and I want to check you out.”

+++

Fitz stood under the shower enjoying the hot water against his skin. He tried to organize his thoughts. He should have been overjoyed; Jemma was all he could think about ever since their sudden disappearance from the diner. But he was also apprehensive; the way Jemma looked away, the tears glistening in her eyes, the way she was clearly avoiding saying some things meant that a difficult conversation was coming. He reluctantly turned off the water and looked in the mirror trying to ready himself for whatever she was going to say. He put on the clean clothes Jemma prepared for him – the faded jeans, a simple blue T-shirt and wrapped himself into the old fluffy grey cardigan. He emerged hesitantly and found her sitting next to a table.

“I made some tea for us.” she smiled weakly.

Fitz nodded. “Thank you.” He wrapped his hands around the warm cup and took a sip. For a moment in felt like the home they never got to share. He studied Jemma’s face, trying to gauge how much time had passed for her. She looked paler than he remembered.

“How much time did I lose?” he asked.

“It’s 2019 now – almost a year.” All things considered a year was not so bad Fitz thought. Jemma continued. “You made it to the future – really you saved the whole team. It was awful Fitz.” Fitz listened to her halting story of a cracked apart world, of the remnants of humanity kept as slaves by alien overlords, of a heroic rescue and a desperate race to stop the Apocalypse.

When she paused at the end clearly not finding the way to say it, Fitz asked instead what he started to suspect. “So, did I die there?”

His question was like opening a floodgate. Jemma nodded and started crying uncontrollably. Fitz kneeled in front of her seat and she collapsed into his arms. He held her as she was sobbing, with pain and tension that he had never seen from her before and which he could not feel. It just felt surreal – he was like Schrodinger’s proverbial cat – both dead and alive. He caressed her hair rhythmically and kept whispering “It’s ok, Jemma. I’m here now.” Over and over. After a few minutes her crying subsided and her ragged breaths calmed down.

“I’m sorry.” she mumbled. Fitz just held her tighter and said “Jemma, I’m never leaving you again.”

She pushed him away abruptly and looked at him accusingly. “Don’t say that.” she hissed. Fitz realized he said something wrong, even though he had no idea what, so he just nodded and waited. Jemma dried her eyes and turned away, busying herself with the teacups. “Oh, this has gone all cold, I’m afraid. I’ll put on some fresh water.” Fitz watched her leave and sighed. He felt like he was walking on eggshells.

++++

Jemma watched the water boil and scolded herself for losing control. Fitz was disoriented and instead of taking care of him, she fell apart. Still it was disconcerting, because it was Fitz – yet somehow not the man she married, with whom she shared two weeks of fierce and desperate love squeezing out every last moment of joy at the remnants of the world…She shook her head angrily _\- you promised yourself not to go there –_ she reminded herself. It was ridiculous to compare. It was the same Fitz, the same atoms, the same blood... They just needed a little re-adjustment.

She brewed fresh tea and headed back to Fitz. He was standing at the window staring out into space. When he heard her footsteps, he turned around.

“I see someone finally figured out the gravity problem.” he pointed at the Zephyr following Enoch’s ship in a holding pattern. “It sucks I missed SHIELD’s first space launch.”

Jemma ignored the way her heart squeezed in pain at the memory, instead she schooled her face into a smile. “It was you Fitz – you figured it out.”

He grinned. “I’m starting to be jealous of myself. Not only an action hero, but clearly the superior scientist.” Jemma knew that it was meant as a joke, but it felt also too serious. She looked away.

+++

When the pressure door closed behind them, Fitz was met with a beaming Mack. He surprised Fitz by pulling him into a tight bearhug. “Turbo, so good to see you.” he boomed, his voice laced with layers of emotion.

His eyes fell onto Yo-Yo standing behind Mack. “Wow, those arms are really cool…” he said before he could stop himself. He was suddenly aware of everyone staring at him. “I’m sorry. I mean obviously, I’m sorry about… what happened?” Clearly, Jemma’s story did not even begin to cover all the things the team went through while he was sleeping.

“Later, Fitz.” Jemma broke the silence.

Fitz spotted Daisy standing a bit further away and he started to move towards her to greet her. He saw her recoil, instinctively. Fitz stopped short. Daisy forced a smile on her face and said “Hey, Fitz.”

“Daisy.” he muttered.

“OK, I need to check him out.” Jemma repeated nervously. She led him into the lab and started to rummage through the drawers. Fitz watched her frantic movements, and her obvious attempts to avoid eye contact.

“Jemma, what are you not telling me? What happened between Daisy and me?” he asked finally.

Jemma sighed. “I was hoping we could get to this after we are sure…”

“I’m fine. Please tell me – I need to know.”

Jemma nodded.

Fitz listened to the story curling his fingers into a tight fist. He was feeling nauseous. As Jemma talked, the pictures of his Framework life emerged – eyes wide with fear, mouths contorted with pain, trickling blood. Jemma’s voice filtered through the cacophony of his victim’s voices; she was telling him how it was the hard choice, he made to save innocent lives, how it saved the world. He heard these things before; any time he wavered, her father and Ophelia were always there reminding him of his duty.

“How can you say that, Jemma?” he asked horrified.

“You weren’t there. How could I explain what it was like?” Jemma retorted angrily. They stared at each other for a long beat.

Fitz jumped up from his seat and ran into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut and started heaving uncontrollably; throwing up bile.

“Fitz, open the door, please.” he heard Jemma’s knocks on the door. He washed his face with cold water and stared in the mirror. Beneath the unruly curls and the messy beard, he could nevertheless see the Doctor staring back at him. _You need me, you are nothing without me. But together we saved the world._

++++

“Fitz, let me in please.” Jemma was pleading, as she heard him retching through the door. She was hoping that they could postpone this conversation for a while. She sighed in relief when he opened the door finally.

“Am I crazy, Jemma?” he asked, his eyes red and his voice rough,.

The memory came rushing back; his eyes wild, scalpel in hand. She forced the image back into the box of nightmares it crawled out of and shut the lid tight. She grabbed his shaking hand. “It was a one-off, Fitz. You were exhausted and stretched to the limit. I think it aggravated your brain injury and you had a mental split.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone else.” he whispered staring at their interlinked fingers.

“Even then, Fitz, you were trying not to hurt anyone.” Jemma said softly. Fitz scoffed. “Do you still hear him?”

He looked away. “Yes, sometimes.” he sighed. “In…In the prison when you disappeared – it was my worst nightmare that it was me, that I somehow killed you or hurt you all. I thought I lost my mind all over again.”

“You never told me that…” Jemma put her hand on his chest, willing him to understand that this does not change who they are. “Fitz, look at me. When we get back, we’ll deal with it, OK? Together. It will be OK.”

Fitz nodded. “OK.” He wished he could be as sure as Jemma, but he did not want to continue the argument. He stepped closer to her and pulled her into a tight hug.

“We’ll get through it.” he more felt than heard Jemma whisper. 

+++

Fitz quietly got up trying not to wake Jemma, who was curled up on the bed, her breaths even. He was kept awake trying to string together the fragments of his other life – the one in which he died. He walked along the silent hallways of the Zephyr, pulling his fingers along the walls. He stopped at the commemorative plaque for Coulson. In all the emotions of the day, Fitz had not been able to process that he was gone – it was like a gaping hole, an emptiness that had not yet hit him with full force.

Fitz headed towards his favourite hiding place; the little storage room on the top deck with a small window. He stopped short in the doorway when he saw a dark figure in the corner, knees pulled up to her chin. They looked at each other in silence for a beat.

Fitz cleared his throat. “When Jemma told me what happened, I said there is no universe where I would do that to you, but I guess we both know it’s not true…” His voice broke a little. “I don’t know what to say, except that I’m so sorry Daisy.”

Daisy shook her head. “Fitz – it’s all very confusing, but it would be unfair to blame you for something you haven’t done…”

Fitz grimaced. “It feels like cheating – I can’t have it both ways – either I’m that guy with all the good and bad or I’m someone else…Honestly, I don’t know. It feels like it’s not me, but then basic laws of science say otherwise.”

“It’s a lot to figure out.” Daisy agreed.

“Yes, it is.” Fitz suddenly became aware of his hand trembling.

“Just so that you know – I’m glad we found you alive.” Daisy said gently. “It’s just…”

Fitz understood the unfinished sentence. It was just too broken. “I have no idea how to fix this, Daisy, or if it’s even possible. Jemma told me things ended up badly between us, and I can’t erase that… but I’ll keep trying, unless you tell me to bugger off, which you are certainly free to do.” he finished, turning around to leave.

“Fitz,” Daisy called after him. “…you can stay if you want.”

“OK.” he said and sat against the opposite corner, as far from her as the dimensions of the storage room allowed. He rested his chin on his knees and stared out at the stars. The silence that stretched between them was not entirely uncomfortable. _The future is not fixed,_ he told himself. _He was not bound by his past mistakes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been struggling with how this would play out. It's not that Fitz and Jemma are not overjoyed, but that there is such an emotional gap between them at the moment, that it's bound to cause some difficulties.
> 
> As for Fitz and Daisy - I really want them to get closer gradually - I think Daisy will be immensely helpful with giving Fitz the space he needs to process and for Daisy it may be a healing experience to re-aquaint herself with a different version of Fitz, one that reminds her more of the guy she was so close to in S2. 
> 
> I originally planned it to be a single chapter, but that was folly. There is a lot of ground to cover here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz continues to try to piece the puzzle together as he learns about the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chaos Theory is one of my favourite episodes - I love the way Jemma gives Fitz proof of her love - and how Fitz tries to define his bounderies in their relationship while leaving all options open in the sunrise scene. 
> 
> I thought it would be appropriate to have parallels with that considering that they are again in murky terrain.

 

Her smile was the most disconcerting. Fitz did not remember ever seeing her quite so radiant. Her heartfelt words resonated all the way inside his core – spreading warmth and aching all around. Life, heart, home. He felt the same way about her – she was his world. His love for her was the constant tying together the lives that got fragmented by time.

Fitz stared at the screen of the mobile phone, and cringed as he watched himself – well, _that other guy_ -make a complete fool out of himself. What an idiot he was, not being able to string two coherent sentences together. But he was not entirely wrong – he did not deserve Jemma. She deserved better; someone good, someone with a whole mind, someone untainted by evil and shadow. _No, she deserves someone strong, someone who can do the right thing, someone who will protect her, no matter how hard –_ the Doctor mocked _._

He stared at Coulson’s gently smiling face as he announced them husband and wife and had to look away. Guilt hit him like a truck – Coulson was dead because of him. If only… _I was just trying to protect her… You would have done the same_ – the voice inside his head hissed. He could not bear to watch more – the kiss, the laughter, the speeches – they celebrated someone else, not him.

He had no idea what he was supposed to do or say. It had all started with a seemingly innocent question: _"Who's Deke?"_

Jemma had given him the phone telling him that first there was something else he needed to know. Then she gave him space to watch it. Clearly, she was also lost on how to have the conversation they needed to have. It felt like there was a new piece of the puzzle falling into place every day, as she doled out the truth in small bitter pills to swallow; one at a time. It felt more and more as if he was missing not just mere months, but an entire lifetime.

He looked up in a bit of panic when he heard footsteps and sighed in relief when it was Daisy leaning against the door.

“You’re hiding again.” she noted raising her eye-brows in a question.

“I’m…just…” he nervously ran his head over his face. “Jemma gave me the wedding video, and well…”

A ghost of a smile ran through her face. “That was the last time we were all together and happy. It was a good party. I’m sorry you missed it.”

Fitz chuckled mirthlessly. “I just don’t know… I guess, I’m trying to process that we’re married…or, you know, not.”

“You don’t want to be married to her?” Daisy looked at him confused. “You’ve been helplessly in love with her as long as I’ve known you.”

Fitz just sighed and ran his hands nervously through his hair. “Of course, I want to be married to her. It just feels like, I don’t know, it would have been nice to have a choice.”

“Well, would you have chosen anything else?” she challenged him.

“No…of course not.” Fitz struggled to explain what was bothering him. It was hard to put a finger on it. “But… maybe I should. I just end up hurting and killing the people I care about.”

“Guilt and self-pity; it’s a deadly combo. I’ve been down this road before – and I could tell you it doesn’t lead anywhere – but you already do know that, Fitz.” She sat down opposite of him.  Still at distance, but a little bit closer than the day before.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.  I just can’t help wondering if Jemma’s married to this ghost, this other guy who is heroic and brave and brilliant, someone I’ll never live up to – and I’m just the frumpy, old, back-up version…” he tried to joke weakly.

“For what it’s worth, I prefer the frumpy, old, back-up version.” Daisy said quietly.

“You may be the only one.,” he muttered.

“I don’t know about that. This spaceship full of people tells me that there are people who care about you, frumpy or not.”  Daisy stood up. “Moping is not a good look on you, Fitz.”

++++

 

Punching something felt good. Imagining that it was the Doctor’s face that he was smashing felt even better. _As if – you only know how to fight because of me –_ the Doctor mocked him. Fitz hit the boxing bag even harder.

“Watch it, Turbo. You are going to hurt yourself.” Mack steadied the bag and grabbed Fitz’s wrist. “Looks like you’re packing a respectable punch these days.”

“I worked out in the prison.” Fitz said between gritted teeth, not wanting to get into a discussion about his other life; the casual violence they taught him in the Hydra Academy or during field training.

Mack removed Fitz’s boxing wraps and revealed his knuckles bruised and raw. “You’ll need to ice that.”

“I’m fine, Mack.” Fitz pulled back his hand. How could he explain to Mack that he wanted to feel the pain. It was at least something real, concrete – something he had a right to feel bad about. It gave him focus.

“I still remember the skinny kid you were…” Mack patted his shoulder, ignoring Fitz’s glare.

Fitz felt the irritation building inside him. How could they all just pretend that things were OK – as if nothing had happened, as if he was not broken beyond repair. “Well, I’m not that kid anymore. I’ll never be that kid anymore.” His voice sounded bitter.

Mack looked away. “How is your head?” he asked quietly after a beat of silence.

“Are you asking me if I’m a ticking bomb? I honestly don’t know. Maybe you should lock me up, Mack. Just to be sure.” Fitz replied – somewhere between sarcastic and serious.

“I’m not going to lock you up, buddy. But you have to tell me if there’s something happening I should know about.” Mack said in a level voice. He took an icepack out of the freezer and put it on his sore hands.

Fitz tried to calm himself. Mack did not deserve to be snapped at. “Sorry. It’s hard to explain. It’s like a voice inside my head telling me that I am too weak – that I could not save anyone.”

“The Devil whispers to everyone, not just you, Fitz. It puts doubt in our hearts about everything and everyone, and most of all about ourselves. But remember, whatever you think you have done wrong, you paid for it already.“ Mack replied his hand on his shoulder. Fitz sighed in frustration.

“That’s not how it works, Mack. I can’t just have someone else conveniently die instead of me and make all the wrongs I’ve done disappear.” Fitz retorted. Nobody seemed to realize that the demons did not magically disappear with the other Fitz, it was a burden they both shared.

“Of course, you can. My entire faith is built on the belief of that being true. But it’s up to you whether you are able to accept that you are worthy of the sacrifice.”

It was not the first time that Fitz envied Mack’s faith that solidly divided the world into good and evil, with clear contours and certainty. Fitz’s world was different, things were blurred and fragmented and it was hard to know anything with clarity.

“I’m not here to argue metaphysics, Mack.” Fitz shook his head trying to shut down the argument. Too many people sacrificed themselves for him – and he never felt less deserving.

Mack was not finished though. “Look, we all live with our demons. Mine is that I doubted you. I will not make the same mistake again. Truth is, we let you down. We asked you to perform a miracle and when the price was too high, we all just looked away. This time we’ll have your back, I promise.”

“I need you to promise me something, Mack. If it happens again, I want you to stop me. Do whatever it takes.” Fitz said quietly, but firmly, now looking straight into his friend’s eye, pleading.

Mack shook his head. “It won’t come to that, Fitz.”

“Promise me.” Fitz repeated more forcefully this time.

Mack looked at him for a long moment then nodded gravely. Then he quickly added. “But listen, you just take as long time as you need to recover.”

“I’d prefer to work, _Director_.” Fitz said emphasizing the last word with a half-smile and surprising himself that it felt right. He never thought he would be able to accept anyone but Coulson as Director, but Mack radiated conviction and they all needed that. “I already lost too much time.”

Mack smiled at him. “I hoped you would say that. The navigation is a bit wonky, and I know tinkering helps you keep your head straight.”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on it.” Fitz replied and realized that he was actually looking forward to take up the challenge the other Fitz left for him. Maybe he was not strong or brave, but he was at least as smart as that other guy.

++++++

Jemma tried to busy herself in their tiny bunk, as she waited with butterflies in her stomach for Fitz to return. She was glad when she heard that he was helping Mack out – working always helped him to focus.

She was at a loss; she had no idea how to deal with him. He seemed so disoriented, so confused. Even though she just crossed the universe to find him, the lost time built an uncomfortable distance between them. And it was not just him. She should have been elated, because it was Fitz, yet not exactly the same Fitz she lost. He did not have the same intensity, the same fire.

“You were beautiful, Jemma.” she spun around when she heard his voice. Fitz stood leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. “But your husband really botched it up, didn’t he?”

Jemma swallowed back a tear, remembering that glorious moment when she felt like her whole life finally fell into place, like everything was possible. She was never so certain in her life than in that moment – she and he belonged together. She desperately wanted to have that certitude again.  

Fitz continued quietly. “I didn’t think things could get weirder, but we somehow always end up in these odd situations.”

Jemma chuckled nervously. “Yeah, we do have a talent for that.”

 “Those things you said to him were amazing...” Fitz said hesitantly with a question written all over his face.

“I said those things to _you_ , Fitz.” Jemma stepped closer putting her hand on his chest trying to make him understand. As his heartbeat resonated under her palm, the conviction was back. She married Fitz  - her best friend of a decade, the love of her life and would do it again without hesitation. “And I meant every word of it.”

“But that was before you knew about _him_...” Fitz tapped his head.

Jemma’s eyes darkened. “Fitz.” she said, her voice breaking slightly. Fitz touched on a raw nerve – a question she did not dare to ask herself, because even thinking it felt too much like betrayal. Would she have married him knowing about the demon inside his head? She thought she knew the answer, but in a way, it was easier that her choice was already made.

“Well, your husband was right about one thing though – he didn’t deserve you and I don’t either.” Fitz continued.

“I don’t see it that way.” she looked at him with a frown. Fitz’s words haunted her – it was a black spot on an otherwise perfect day. She should have noticed that something was wrong, but he had become so good at hiding himself from her.

“Jemma, you know it’s true.” he muttered staring at his shoes.

Jemma took a deep breath. “What are you saying, Fitz?”

He shrugged with a pained expression. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything – who am I in relation to me, you or him. I only know that time is not fixed and we got a second chance. We don’t have to repeat our mistakes.”

“You think us getting married was a mistake?” she asked barely able to say the words. She felt the tears pooling in her eyes.

Fitz sighed heavily. “I know that you saved me – him, Jemma. I know you have never given up that I could be good again and I will be forever grateful for that.  But maybe being good, loving you the right way means not holding on, but letting go?”

“What about the event horizon?” she asked sharply. Maybe he wasn’t the same Fitz who said the wedding vow, but their fates had been bound together much longer than that.

“I never meant to pull you down into a black hole with me, Jemma. I can’t do that to you…” he whispered.

“Then don’t, Fitz. I know you can fight it. We can fight it together.” The tension finally erupted, and she started crying hard; for the wedding that was a dream they never shared, for her husband who she lost forever, for the past that slipped away. She felt Fitz stepping closer and wrapping his arms around her, holding her tight until she could breathe again. _The future was wide open , with infinite possibilities, but they had to fight for it again. There were no shortcuts. She was just not sure if she had any more fight left in her._

 She felt Fitz leading her to the bed and tucking her in gently. As she started to drift off into an exhausted sleep, he heard him say in an amused voice: "You know, you still haven't told me who Deke was."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things somehow come to a full circle in more ways then one.
> 
> Trigger warnings: Framework

 

A grandson. Of all the strange things he heard since he woke up from his icy sleep, perhaps this was the strangest to wrap his head around.  A grown grandson, somewhere in the world. He tried to picture him based on Jemma’s description, but all the images felt wrong. He had no idea how he was supposed to process it.

“So here you are, sulking again…” Daisy stood in the doorway.

“Not sulking, just thinking…Jemma told me about Deke…” Fitz replied with a lopsided smile studying her reaction.

“Well, congrats, gramps… “She smirked.

“So you knew?” It was not really a question. These days it felt like everyone always knew more things than him.

“Deke told me…” Daisy shrugged – there was an amused smile on her face as if she was lost in a pleasant memory.

“Sounds like you got along.” Fitz noted.

“He was the perfect mix of exasperating, annoying, bull-headed, yet sometimes sweet. And a huge dork. Actually… he is a lot like you…” she said studying him.

“I see. That’s unfortunate for him.” Fitz replied drily. Jemma had told him the same thing – a grandson who was so much like him that they annoyed the hell out of each other. Well, this part he could imagine; he would certainly be annoyed dealing with himself.

“Yeah, the weird sense of humour, always eating, a terrible pack rat with secret stashes of food and God knows what else everywhere…” Daisy smirked.

Fitz repeated thoughtfully. “Secret stash…”

“What? You have a secret stash of something?” she asked curiously.

Fitz kept his voice neutral. “I…I just remembered something. But you were talking about Deke.”

She grimaced a little. “We had a rocky start, but he’s a good guy, Fitz.” There was definitely a story there. “He insisted on having my back – even though he kept getting into trouble. And you know it made me feel less alone.”

“It sounds bad – how the team got there. I’m sorry you felt alone.” Jemma told him her part of the story – how tense things got between everyone. Although she did not say, Fitz felt that he had a big part to play in whatever happened there.

“I think we all did. We were somehow so concerned with saving what we love that we forgot how to reach out.” she said thoughtfully. “Deke was an outsider – he was less absorbed in the drama.”

“It’s just so – odd…” he replied.

“Odder than the other thousand weird shit we have been through together?” she sat down next to him, and Fitz was aware that she sat closer than usual – their shoulders almost touching. 

He smiled at the memories. “It’s been a crazy ride.”

Daisy suddenly hissed and doubled over. Fitz leaned over her with a worried face.

“Daisy… Daisy what’s happening?” he asked.

“I don’t feel so good. Feels like my blood is boiling…” Fitz felt her forehead and it was burning to the touch. She was whimpering now.

“Daisy’s down. Jemma, Mack, help…” Fitz called into the comms.

Daisy seemed to be in excruciating pain, unable to speak. Her veins bulged out bright purple. Fitz’s mind raced in panic then his eyes fell on the weapon supply shelf. He grabbed an ICER and shot her.  He was about to check her vitals when Mack and Jemma arrived breathless. Mack took a look at Daisy’s motionless body lying on the floor and shoved Fitz against the wall.

“What did you do to her, Fitz?” he yelled.

“I… she was burning up and I…” Fitz pointed at the ICER.

“You probably saved her, Fitz.” Jemma said who was kneeling next to Daisy checking her vitals. “Her temperature is decreasing and her pulse is steading. Give me a hand guys – let’s get her in the med pod.”

Mack gave them a confused look, but then scooped up Daisy as if she was a little girl and carried her over to the med bay.

 

 

+++++

 

Fitz and Mack watched Jemma work through the window.  When she emerged, they both turned towards her.

“How is she?” Mack asked.

Jemma sighed. “As far as I can tell, it’s the after-effects of the drug we made from the Centipede serum and Jiaying’s DNA – it started to become unstable…”

“What are you saying?” frowned Fitz.

“You remember the side-effects of the Centipede serum?” Jemma asked.

Fitz’s nodded – of course he remembered their first field assignment – his first experience of that particular type of adrenaline high that comes from realizing that their science was more than theory. It was literally a question of life and death. “The explosions? But I thought we figured out how to stabilize it with the dendrotoxin.”

“Yes, but with Jiaying’s particular power of cell regeneration, the stabilizing effect of the dendrotoxin effect gets reversed too fast, before it can be fully effective.” Jemma explained.

“Could we try a higher dose?” Mack asked.

“It would be lethal…” Jemma shook her head with concern. Fitz knew that look and his heart sank – the situation was truly grave. “Truth is, I have no idea how to help her.” 

 _I think you remember what you need to do._ Fitz almost forgot to breathe as he heard _him_. _He_ had no business to be here.

 _Go away._ He closed his eyes and silently wished him away.

 _You know that I could save her. I know how._ The Doctor’s voice was insistent.

_Why would you want to?_

_Because you want me to._

“Fitz – what is it?” Fitz realized that Jemma was watching him intently. He wondered if the entire conversation was written on his face – she could read his expressions like an open book.

“No..nothing.” he stammered, trying to control his voice and hide his shaking hand behind his back.

“You know something.” Clearly, he was not going to fool Jemma. “It’s the Doctor – isn’t he? If he has information we could use…”

“Whatever he knows it’s better if it stays buried.” he cut her off.

“Fitz, if you can help Daisy…”

“I…I can’t…” He did not want to go digging in those memories – he was afraid to stare into the abyss of mad science. Surely, the solution had to lie elsewhere.

“You have to try…Daisy needs you.” Mack interjected.

“Is that an order, Director?” Fitz challenged him.

“Do whatever it takes, Fitz.” Came the reply with impatience and urgency.

Fitz sighed and nodded. “I’ll need a minute” he said quietly.

He sat down at his lab desk and closed his eyes, trying to dig deep down into his Framework memories. The inhuman experiments, Whitehall’s diaries which described in detail his work on Jiaying… He felt queasy as the images emerged, but he kept writing – details, formulas, compounds filled the white sheets of the notebook.

 _The solution is there,_ the Doctor nodded _._

 _I don’t want your solutions, they only bring pain and suffering._ Fitz replied angrily in his head.

_You need to let me in. Remember, we have seen something like this before._

The memory of it came rushing back. It was a strange sensation – it was almost an out of body experience as he watched himself – performing the experiment and making record of it simultaneously.  His mind felt fragmented, broken into pieces – leaving an empty shell behind.

Numbers and letters filled the pages – his sins laid out in the language of cold science. He watched in slow motion as a teardrop fell onto the paper smudging the ink, then realized he was crying. He dropped his pen and pushed the notebook wordlessly over to Jemma.

“Excuse me.” he muttered and hurried to the bathroom where he emptied the contents of his stomach. He splashed cold water on his face trying dispel the nightmarish pictures. He walked back slowly to the lab and hunched down at his desk, not able to look Jemma in the eye. Even after months of dissecting it again and again, it was inconceivable that he could do the things he did in Framework. Maybe the screams and the blood were never real – but the memory haunted him every day; the mad scientist inside him. He wondered if she felt as repulsed by it as he was.

He risked a sideways glance at her, but Jemma’s expression was neutral as she poured over the notes. Finally, she looked up.

“Fitz, can you tell me more about this formula?” she pointed to a compound she circled in red among his notes.

 _She’s a smart one._ The Doctor’s voice as smug. _She sees what you don’t want to._

Fitz ignored the voice and stared at the paper – such an innocent-looking formula, only he knew the price paid in blood behind it.  “It was designed to slow down the cells overheating that happened whenever electromagnetic manipulation ability was combined with teleportation,” his voice was hoarse, and his throat was dry as sandpaper.

“Designed by whom?” she asked.

Fitz looked away.

“Did it work?” Jemma prodded on.

“Yes, the initial lab tests showed promise. And of course, Ophe… Aida didn’t explode.” Fitz shrugged.

“I think we could try that on Daisy.”

 _She’s the ballsy one. Not weak like you._ Fitz held his hands to his head trying to get rid of the voice.

“Are you nuts, Jemma? How could we try an untested compound on her? We could kill her…Don’t you see? It’s mad science…” he looked incredulously at her. How could she say the same thing as _him_?

“The serum is killing her, Fitz. We have to try something. The formula is sound – that’s the science I see.” Jemma said calmly.

“We can keep her iced until we get back and then we can run more tests…” Fitz suggested weakly.

“We don’t have enough dendrotoxin and I’m worried an overdose could kill her…We also have no idea of the long-term effects of keeping her under like that.” Her reasoning made sense, but still he felt queasy. “Think about it Fitz. Which one is riskier?”

Fitz looked at the paper again and sighed.

“I want to talk to Daisy…” he said firmly.

“Fitz…”

“It’s her decision to make, Jemma.” They walked over to the med bay in silence.

“I’ll wake her, but you only have a minute or so.” Jemma turned off the drip. “Do you want me to stay?” she asked, but Fitz shook his head. He felt he needed to do this. She nodded. “OK.”

Daisy slowly opened her eyes. “What happened?”

“The Centipede-serum became unstable overheating your cells.” Fitz explained.

“Is this what they call power-surge?” joked Daisy weakly.

“Daisy, we think we may have a solution…” Fitz started.

“I’m all ears – because if you keep icing me, I’m going to get back to Earth with the mother of all headaches.” she sneered.

“You have to know… it comes from _him_ …from the Doctor in the Framework.” he said, nervously massaging his hand, letting the implications of it hang in the air.

Daisy closed her eyes for a second. “What is it?” Her expression changed and Fitz could see the fear behind the seriousness.

“It’s a serum _he…I_ designed to slow electrical overactivity of cells.” he looked away – not wanting to say more. 

“And it can help me?” Daisy asked.

“Jemma thinks so.” Fitz replied. He did not trust the Doctor’s science – but Jemma’s judgement was always dependable.

Daisy frowned not completely satisfied with the answer. “And what do _you_ think?”

Fitz thought for a moment. “I think it could be dangerous…”

“Do you have another option?”

“Not yet” Fitz admitted. “…but we could try something else… Daisy – we can’t trust him…”

“I don’t trust the Doctor, Fitz. But I trust you,“ she said resolutely.

 _Trust_ …Fitz swallowed hard. He did not realize how much he missed it until she said the word. Trust was the glue that held a team together. Trust had the power to fill the cracks in fractured friendships.

“Does it matter that I don’t trust myself?” his voice was barely more than a whisper.

 “If Jemma was in my place, would you try it?” Daisy asked.

It was a theoretical question, but his mind felt calmer. Jemma was right – the formula was the less riskier option. “Yes.”

“Then do it, Fitz.” she held out her hand as pain engulfed her again and he squeezed it while he restarted the drip. Daisy passed out again.

“She agreed.” Fitz said as he headed back to the lab.

“Good –  well, let’s get started then.” Jemma smiled handing him a sample container.

There are some things in life you never forget – it becomes second nature, muscle memory. Their practiced choreography as they worked together seamlessly in the lab was one of those things. Fitz felt his mind clear and focused for the first time since they woke up, as they ran tests, worked on simulations. The cacophony of the ghostly whispers of the Doctor and Jemma’s husband quieted down; there was only one voice in his head – and it sounded like his own.

After hours of intense work, including double testing the antidote, they were ready.

The whole team gathered outside the med bay and watched tensely as Jemma delivered it into the drip. She checked Daisy’s vitals and the monitors then gave him a wide smile. “She stabilized.”

Fitz let out the breath he was holding.

“You did good, Turbo. You did good…” Mack patted Fitz on the shoulder.

 

XXXXX

 

She found him in the storage room, just like Daisy said she would. When he heard the door open, he looked up, clearly surprised.

“Jemma.” he said hiding his hand instinctively.

“Daisy said it’s your favourite place to hide. I hope I’m not intruding.” she asked and when he did not reply, Jemma decided to take it as encouragement. She sat down next to him. They were getting close to home and they had an unfinished conversation she hoped to continue.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said quietly.

“About?”

“About fate and choice. About you, him, me – about us…and then I found these – and suddenly it all clicked.”

“What’s that?” Jemma looked at him curiously. He opened his palm, revealing a small white box. Jemma’s heart started to beat faster. Because even though it has already happened, it was happening again and it felt both the same and different.

“I got these a while ago – before…before the Framework. As luck would have it, I hid it here on the Zephyr – I figured there’d be less chance of you finding it here than back in our room. I’ve been waiting for the right moment, but… well…”

“There is never a right moment,” she finished the sentence.

“And while I’m still Fitz, I’m not the same as him – I guess I’m like an amoeba that underwent mitosis. Started out identical but the moment we split, we remained the same, but also became different.” It was an odd example, but strangely appropriate.

She nodded.

“But I also want you to know that this was a choice we made when we were still the same person – it’s as much my choice as his.”

Fitz opened the box revealing two simple rings. Jemma felt a lump in her throat, because even though they had been long bound together in many intricate ways – Fitz was right; choice mattered.

He gave her a crooked smile. “And I have no idea how to do this, Jemma, because it’s beyond odd …even for us.”

Jemma took his hand. “I want to be married to you Fitz, and I want you to know, when I chose him, I didn’t just choose the man who swooped into the future in a space-cowboy costume. I chose the man I fell in love with, the brilliant scientist who always grumbles in the lab when the air-conditioning is set too low, who constantly questions everything I say and do, my best friend of a decade who still snacks in the middle of the night, the man who has the best heart – and that’s you.”

“I guess I won’t get to ask…” he smirked.

She felt sadness hit her as she remembered the light banter with her other Fitz about who proposed first. In the long months of her lonely search she chastised herself over and over that she had never asked him what he said. “You know – I’ve never heard him ask. So maybe you can tell me for both of you…”

Fitz nodded, but continued with a serious expression. “First I want you to know something else – once we get back to Earth, I’ll check myself in a clinic.”

“Fitz – you saved Daisy…” Jemma protested.

“Still, I feel the cracks in my mind. I want to feel whole again. I don’t want to be someone in constant fear of losing control. I want to be the man you deserve, not a shadow of it. I need to do this.” His face was determined and Jemma knew it was useless to argue.

“Then I’ll be with you every step of the way.” She squeezed his hand. His face scrunched up, like he was about to cry. He kissed her palm wordlessly.

“And I don’t know if I can come back to SHIELD anymore…” he sighed.

“Fitz – you are more important than SHIELD – you are my whole world.”

“And you are mine, Jemma, you are everything,” he smiled and they held each other long.

“So what was your speech going to be about when you proposed?” she asked curiously.

Fitz watched out the window into space. “It was about us, our love – that it’s stronger than any curse – because we beat everything Jemma, to be together… the ocean, space, time and now…

“..even death… “ she added.

“And after all this I… I just want to be with you.” His expression changed slightly as he looked into her eyes. “So Jemma Anne Simmons, will you marry me… or I guess, keep being married to me? Gosh, it’s confusing… it probably sounded way better the first time,” he smiled at her embarrassed.

“I will.” She laughed and it felt like things came full circle in that ring. He put it on her finger, right on top of the other one. They kissed long and deep. Jemma raised her hand, admiring how the two seamlessly fit together. Like her two husbands, who were the same, yet different. She felt herself overflow with the same infinite love for both of them; the one she lost and the one she found. “Your taste in rings is even more impeccable than our grandson’s.” she joked.

“Oh… stop mentioning him – it makes me feel ancient…” he grinned.

“He’s really quite sweet. You’ll see when you meet him.” Jemma smiled.

“Can’t wait.” Fitz grimaced and it was the exact same face he made back on Earth whenever they talked about Deke. Jemma felt a strange sense of peace and could hardly wait to have her little family that broke every law of physics to be together again.

 


End file.
